garbagecanned | inbox.

[Yosuke hates it. he hates how awkward everything's been, and even though he'd asked for help on the network, it didn't really help at all. it all honestly came down to what he wanted, and what if he didn't know?

well. he knows. but he's scared of taking the first step.

he'd just gotten out of the shower and into some clean clothes of his own, rubbing a towel through his hair as he walks into their room. it takes him a moment to notice, lost in his thoughts as he is, but then he notices there's definitely something not quite right with Yu. his eyes widen, and he stops in his tracks.]

Yu? What's... what's that stuff on your arm? Are you okay?

[His shoulders tense as he hears Yosuke's voice -- not just because of absolutely everything, but because he doesn't want anyone worrying over him. Not even Yosuke. ... Maybe especially not Yosuke. But there's no way to hide it, really; logically, it would be more suspicious to do so, and besides... what's that saying? "The cat's out of the bag now."

It takes him a moment to look at Yosuke, and when he finally does, it's with a lot of thought over what his response might be.]

I don't know what it is. [His tone is even and measured, restrained, his jaw tense. At the very least, he has to trust Yosuke with the truth. They've been through too much not to. Somewhat reluctantly, he holds his hand up for examination.

As much as he'd like to continue with "I'm fine," he doesn't know that that's true, and he's not about to lie to his best friend, even with everything going on. So instead:] It doesn't hurt.

[he's not sure if he believes any of this.

Yosuke starts to walk closer, inspecting the black marks on his best friend. when he gets close enough to touch, he reaches out as if to try to see if he can smudge it or something.]

Yeah, but you look like shit. It can't be good.

[his awkwardness is 100% forgotten by all of this, because the genuine worry he has for Yu right now trumps it. his stomach tightens into a knot as he considers what it could even be.]

When'd you start to notice it?

[Yu's posture stiffens and tenses, though it's hard to say whether it's from Yosuke's proximity or the extremely blunt remark. Whatever the case, Yu bites back on reacting and just holds an arm out for Yosuke to observe. He's not usually an impulsive person, preferring to take a moment before he reacts to things, but right now...it's hard to remind himself to take that time. It's like his mind is looking for a fight.

He...he doesn't really want to find one, though. Not with Yosuke.

Besides. Is he wrong? The marks aren't pretty, and they're impossible to miss. Faint shadows under his eyes indicate that maybe he's not been sleeping so well. He holds onto what he can of his composure, but you look like shit isn't entirely inaccurate.]

I'm sure it's not, but...I don't know what it means yet. [His grip on the bandage tightens. He doesn't intend to use it, not anymore, but he clearly was considering covering it all up.]

A few days ago, maybe. After I tried talking to Mikey.

["Talking" is a generous way to put it. Is he heading in that direction, too? On the road to losing control? He...doesn't want to think of that as a possibility.]

[listen. Yosuke's horribly blunt sometimes without even realizing it... it's part of his "charm" or something.

there's a part of him that twists as he touches Yu's arm, but he forces himself to not think about it. now is not the time for that sort of shit, Yosuke Hanamura. or maybe it's just anxiety that after everything that's happened, something might still just happen to Yu anyway.]

Did he have it too? You think it's contagious?

[not that Yosuke cares about getting it for himself really. it shows in the way that he's only moving closer rather than further away to inspect him a bit more.]

I'll start keeping an eye on the network, see if anyone has an antidote or anything. There's no way it can't be fixed.

[Between the question and the feel of Yosuke's fingers on his skin, his heart suddenly feels, just for a moment, like a hammer in his chest. Thud. Because--]

He did have it. [...and Yu doesn't know if that's how he got it. Was it affecting him even before his fight with Mikey? Did the other boy pass something on to him? He has no idea, and that scares him.

How would it spread, if it's contagious? Through contact, through particles? Yu pulls away very suddenly, all at once, taking a step back from Yosuke.]

If it is contagious... I don't want you to get it, too.

[there goes Yosuke's heart again, twisting when Yu takes a step back. even though it's only because of the fact that it might be contagious.

right?]

I mean... we're usually together. If I was gonna get it, I might've noticed by now.

[he had just gotten out of the shower and hadn't noticed anything different, after all.]

[How can he be so cavalier about his own wellbeing? Maybe that's that sparks the impatience. The irritation. His hands clench into fists. Yosuke keeps doing this. Why does he keep doing this?]

Still. Don't take such unnecessary risks, Yosuke.

[Yu's tone is tight as he says it. Thinly guarded, as if he's keeping back a wave of frustration.]

[Yosuke's brow furrows as he notices the irritation coming from Yu.]

It's not unnecessary if it's for you.

[#gay]

This isn't about me!

[... the words rip out of him, more forcefully than he might have wanted. When did he move? When did his hands reach out to yank Yosuke's collar, pulling him closer? He doesn't know, and for a minute, he's lost in the haze again, unsure of whether he wants to shake his partner or hit him or...

He lets go all at once, recoiling. His face is still hot with anger, his breathing shallow, stunned speechless as the wave of fury recedes.]

[Yosuke tenses when Yu grabs him and brings him close. there's a part of him that's bracing for him to get hit just as an instinct... but then he thinks that this is Yu. he wouldn't actually hurt him.

and then he's backed up again before Yosuke could really react, and he balls his hands into fists to keep them from shaking.]

What do you mean it's not about you?? You're the one with this creepy black stuff all over you!

[he redirects his adrenaline into something more annoyed than startled...]

[Damn it all, he doesn't understand anything, does he? Maybe that's the most infuriating part, because it's not about Yu, not really; this terrible self-sacrificing streak is all about Yosuke. Who he is as a person, what he doesn't seem to believe about himself, which is that someone cares-- and that blind ignorance might be the worst thing of all. Yu is right here. How could he not know?

The heat in his chest blossoms outward, a fiery rage that engulfs his whole body, and Yu isn't sure he can stop it. He should leave, of course, should put some distance between them, but his legs won't listen. This strange, blind aggression isn't going away, but neither is the dreading, anxious feeling that he might somehow hurt the other boy. He doesn't want to do that, he would never--

Spurred on to act, to feed that aggression in any way he can without causing pain, desperate to communicate something he can't quite put into words, he pushes Yosuke back against the wall and roughly, urgently kisses him.]

[so much for not having physical contact.

for a moment, Yosuke's just not sure what happened. he's suddenly being pushed back against the wall and kissed, and he's very aware that Yu's half naked still. the kiss is so much more intense than last time, but after that moment of surprise he returns the energy. he kisses Yu back just as roughly and urgently, grabbing Yu by the hips and bringing him closer. it ignites something in him too, something he had been craving since the mistletoe and wasn't sure how to ask for. these feelings are so new and frightening, but in this moment while Yu's kissing him, he feels warm. relaxed.]

[Yosuke pulls him closer and he assents, his hands finding the other boy's waist as the distance between them narrows to a sliver. Yu pursues the kiss almost hungrily, uncompromising, refusing to allow even the smallest fraction of space between them, hardly daring even to breathe. Any thought of the black marks is completely out of his head by now; he doesn't even seem to care that he never managed to get his shirt on. In the back of his head, there's a strange realization that this seems to be something they're both agreeing to. They've both wanted this, wanted each other, and they've been so, so stupid about it, haven't they? Now it's like he's drawing every ounce of closeness out of the encounter, seeking more.]

[Yosuke's heart starts to race as Yu gets so much closer to him. he tilts his head slightly, deepening the kiss as he starts to bring one of his hands up Yu's bare stomach and feeling his way up to his chest slowly. there's not much thought going on right now, just Yu and the feeling of his skin underneath this hand.]

[The touch is like fire on his skin, leaving small trails of heat as Yu exhales a soft, shivery gasp. He's losing his head, and he knows it, but the part of him that cares is taking a backseat right now. Is this what the corruption does? Breaks down his barriers and inhibitions? Later -- he'll care about that later. For now, he's seeking more, lips parting to deepen the kiss as his hands move to the other's hips, holding him there.]

Edited 2024-01-09 17:18 (UTC)

[Yosuke has to take in some air. he doesn't pause for long, and when he resumes kissing Yu he loses no intensity and takes his lead in parting his own lips as well. the hand that'd been traveling up his chest finds his way into Yu's hair, and his other hand moves to Yu's back as he presses him as close as he can get. there's a passing moment where he wonders if Yu can hear his racing heart -- not that he cares so much right now at all.]

Edited (Fat fingered on my cell) 2024-01-09 17:36 (UTC)

[The initiative Yosuke is taking is notable, if only because Yu wasn't expecting it at all. His surprise at that realization only lasts a moment before he leans all the way into it, his hands slipping under the hem of Yosuke's shirt to brush against bare skin. The sound of his own heartbeat is deafening in his ears; it seems they're both wondering about that, chests pressed together so close that there's nowhere to hide.]

[goosebumps start to form on Yosuke's arms as he feels Yu starting to touch his bare skin. he thinks it's a very real possibility that Yu can unravel him here, but he wants it.

he pulls away from the kiss, breathing hard as he starts to pepper kisses along Yu's jawline.]

[They should stop. He should stop. The thought is fleeting, gone as soon as it surfaces in his mind, eclipsed by the feeling of lips along his jaw, the soft puffs of breath against his neck... Did he realize it was there, all of that want? Has it been simmering just below the surface, waiting to come out like this? Whatever the reason, Yu pursues it without hesitating. His own movements are more urgent, far more impulsive than he usually likes to be, as he moves to trace a line of kisses along the delicate skin of Yosuke's throat, lingering a moment on each one.]

Edited (predictably changed my mind on the icon) 2024-01-09 19:40 (UTC)

[he'd been trying to figure out how to tell Yu how much he cared... how much he loves him, but this was absolutely not in his plans.

he remembers the marks on his friend again, and makes a sort of pathetic sound as he feels him kissing down his throat. but he has to think rationally, if only for just a minute.

he brings his hands up to Yu's head and tries to lift it so he can try to make eye contact with him.]

Yu... [it comes out kind of in an embarrassing huff of air, because he's so worked up over his closeness and everything they'd been doing up until now.] do you... really want this? It's--it's me, you know. Yosuke. Do you want...

[me? is the word that he's scared to say. is this thing warping Yu's mind somehow? will he regret it later? is it because he hadn't seen Mikey in a few days?

as much as he wants this and more... Yosuke isn't sure he could handle just being a replacement.]

[The sudden slow-down slams down on him like it's waking him from a daze. He never...he's not like that, that impulsive, hot-headed... Heat rises in his face, a faint dusting of pink across his cheeks, as his hands first find Yosuke's hands and then wind their way around the back of his neck.

A pause. Yu's eyebrows lift; is that really what Yosuke thought?]

I-- [He's still a bit breathless, his voice low and airy. But his expression is solid, unflinching. Committed.] I know, Yosuke. I see you.

[... maybe with more clarity than ever before. And maybe it's still that impulsiveness taking around in his brain or adrenaline or whatever, but he seems to speak his mind fairly clearly.]

... And I do. [want you.] I have. [thought about it.] I just...I thought...

[... come on, Yosuke, you don't really need him to finish that, do you]

[it'd been so damn confusing to be Yosuke Hanamura for so long. when he'd finally had the time to stop and think about it at home, he had considered that he had feelings for his best friend. but then Yu went back home... and he'd went ahead and called it a loss. he didn't have a great track record with maintaining long distance friendships, and he had even lesser hopes of anything romantic. besides, he was always surrounded by girls. pretty girls. it'd just been easier to dismiss everything before it became a problem.

until he found out that Yu didn't mind being with guys, too. the proximity to Yu and knowing that had unleashed so much want in him, but he was so damn confused about what to do about it. ignoring it didn't work. pretending he wasn't into Yu didn't work. and everything fell apart when they'd kissed under the mistletoe.

it's not like he had had a romantic date in mind or anything, because he knows himself and knows he'd probably just blurt I LOVE YOU to Yu randomly and then want to hide under a rock for the rest of his existence. but he had wanted to have the conversation, after the network post he'd made. but saying those sorts of things... he'd never done it before.]

If you're confused... think about how I've felt.

[it's a weak attempt at a joke, and he laughs a little bit before moving down to kiss Yu on the lips again. this time it's gentler at least, at least for the start. he's so relieved, that this might actually happen... or at least, he can see how far it goes.]

[But that's the thing, right now, isn't it? He doesn't want to think. If he starts thinking, he's going to go down a rabbit hole of questions and interrogations. If he starts thinking, he's going to realize that whatever's affected his hand is still affecting him in some way, and that's scary on a whole different level. If he starts to think--

The kiss throws everything off-balance. He exhales into it, pulling his arms tight around Yosuke's neck, fingers brushing against his hair.

There, again, is the want. The intoxicating urge to push for more. He pulls away for a moment, breathless, his expression serious as he brings a hand to the other boy's cheek, seeking eye contact.] Yosuke. If it gets to a point where you want to stop... please tell me. Okay? [A slight pinch in his brow is a telltale sign that this is concerning him. That he's taking it seriously. Because he's not sure he'll stop otherwise, and he needs that confirmation that Yosuke will figure out his limits before he keeps going.]

[there's a rush of heat that comes to his face as Yu makes his statement. he's not quite sure of his limits either, but... he's fine with experimentation, if it's with Yu.]

Yeah. Will do.

[he moves in for another kiss again, this time more urgent.

he can overthink this, but Yu absolutely can't.]

UWOOOOOOOOO

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